Please hear me out on this. My intention is to not minimize the experiences of people who have gone through the particular things I will talk about in this blog post. In fact, quite the opposite. The goal is to think up of ways for how we can understand people who have experienced things we haven’t personally experienced. I believe that by doing this, it will lead to less division in things like politics and disability advocacy. For example, I’m going to explain why a neurotypical person CAN understand what an autistic person goes through. Although you don’t see examples of this very often, I’m going to explain how this is possible. I actually am diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, so you find this interesting. I also want to note that there will be some Bible verses in this post. If you don’t like that, I ask that you don’t dismiss what I have to say, please. There is a reason why I included them.

A Twitter user @brookewinters33 made a tweet that actually inspired me to write this blog post. It really made me think. Link to tweet: https://twitter.com/brookewinters33/status/1135659749280800768

I am autistic. When I read the tweet I mentioned above, I got angry. I was angry because Brooke Winters was right! It offends me when so-called advocates talk about us autistic people as if we aren’t humans like them. There’s no way that sort of responsibility should be in the hands of someone who doesn’t even know how to love somebody who is different from them like that. I could feel myself getting so angry and upset because I know what it’s like to be objectified for my autism, rather than seen as a person and individual.

I’m sure you’ve heard or seen people that say or imply that if you haven’t gone through the same thing someone else has gone through, your thoughts are inherently incorrect. How often do you see a white people’s thoughts on racism dismissed, and even made fun of, by people of color? How often do you see feminists silence the voice of men for reasons that are based on stereotypes? How often do you see people with certain college degrees get angry at someone, who doesn’t also have that degree, for not taking their word on certain issues related to their expertise, especially on controversial topics related to that area of expertise (particularly what you see in political debates or discussions). Maybe it’s just me, who has been watching videos and reading articles from both sides of the political spectrum lately. Have any of you guys ever wondered if someone who isn’t you can ever truly understand what you’ve personally experienced? Perhaps you’ve been raped. Perhaps you have a disability. Perhaps you’re a person of color. You might think, ‘They don’t know what it’s like! They should have no say on what I’ve gone through.’

I want to add that there ARE things people should have no say in. For example, it is not your place to state your thoughts as absolute fact on serious topics you have done little to no research on. Don’t say things like “vaccines cause autism” when you don’t listen to what pro-vaccine people have to say, or don’t even understand medical science regarding the brain. There are also opinionated people that don’t even care about truth and understanding. All they care about doing is airing their own opinions. There’s even a verse that says this: “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2 NIV. We gotta watch out for those people. We need to learn to detect them and then shut our ears to their opinions. Nothing productive will come out of their mouths.

Now here are some verses that indicate we can truly understand what people go through, even when we haven’t personally experienced what they experienced. I will quote 3.

#1 – Galatians 6:2 “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.” This verse commands us to share in each other’s burdens. If someone you know is going through a tough time and know in your heart that you must help them, you deliberately share that burden they are going through. If someone you know is a single mom and is having a hard time supporting her children on her own, help carry her burdens by perhaps cleaning the house, spending time with her kids, or cooking her family’s next meal. You don’t have to be a single mother yourself. By doing this, you are actively walking alongside someone who is not dealing with the same struggles as you do. You get a taste of what they experience. This doesn’t apply to all situations (don’t get into an abusive relationship just to share the burden of someone who is in one, obviously). It’s a helpful way to get a better understanding of people.

#2 – Luke 6:31 “Do to others as you would have them do to you.” This verse can really help you understand what someone is going through. If you are a neurotypical and don’t understand how someone (like an autistic person) can be so obsessed with a certain interest, you may not really think about how they feel if they’re getting bullied for it. You may think, ‘Wow, that person is really weird for being that absorbed. No wonder they’re getting bullied. She should really get a new hobby.’ That is not the right way to think. In fact, it’s judgmental. Think of something you like a lot, even if you don’t consider it an obsession. You love it so much that you get the urge to talk about it with people. Then someone says to your face, “Wow, you’re way too into this. It’s not that big of a deal.” Chances are you’re gonna feel hurt. I’m guessing everyone has been made fun of for liking something at some point or another. What would you like them to do instead? The answer may be having them ask questions, share their honest (and polite) opinions, or even check out your interest for themselves. If you would want those things done to you, do it for an autistic person. We would love that! ❤

#3 – Hebrews 13:3 “Remember those who are in prison, as if you were there yourself.  Remember also those being mistreated, as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.” This is the verse first that came to mind when trying to think up of ways to understand somebody else. You could say this is almost #1 and #2 working together. I’ll tell you about a conversation I had with a friend that is applicable to this. This dear friend of mine and I were talking about representation of black people in TV and movies. I was in a class that talked about representation of people of color in film, and that’s what led to this conversation, in case you were wondering. I think I said something along the lines of, “I don’t get what the big deal is sometimes.” My friend, who was nice to me despite my ignorance, said this: “Can you imagine always being the person in the story who is always just the friend of the main character? Or always the criminal? Or always the background character or minor character? Or always the joke? Imagine growing up on that and seeing yourself that way.” Suddenly, I imagined myself as a stereotype in movies or TV. I felt actual pain and sadness. I felt upset that “I” would never see someone that looks like me be the hero in a story.

What if we, as a society, applied these three things in our daily lives? What if we practiced sharing someone else’s load, or treating others how you want to be treated, or putting yourself in someone’s shoes? Do you think that maybe it’d lead to more understanding? Do you think the misunderstood would appreciate your efforts, and feel understood by the other side for a change?

I believe that ethos isn’t everything. We must also take into account logos and pathos. Some things can be solved with common sense (logos). Some things can be solved by simply applying the three things I listed above (pathos). Almost always, all three of these things must work together. How they work together may give us a clearer understanding of the bigger picture.

Those are my thoughts. What are yours?