Author: alexaspergerblogs

If I were to briefly tell you about me, I would say that I am an artistic woman who loves Jesus, seeks truth, and share what I believe is truth. I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at the age of 2. It is now considered a part of the Autism spectrum. My blog also shows much about who I am. I think telling you the purpose of my blog will give you a greater idea of who I am. My blog posts are not only about what it's like having Autism and my various views on it. Some blog posts will also be about my views on things like writing, art, politics, spiritual topics, and other stuff. The purpose of writing about things other than autism is to show NTs what the various perspectives of one autistic person can be. Not all autistic people share the same perspectives. Some are liberal; some are conservative. Some want a cure; many do not want a cure. Some have friends; some have no friends. Some are straight; some are gay. Some are mean; some are kind. You will learn a lot about me through my blogs posts if you read them. One last thing: the reason why I call my blog Alex's Autism Array Blog is because I am part of the array of Autism. Not every autistic person is the same. I am an example of that, and this blog acknowledges the array. I am not just artistic, have a spiritual personality, and love to learn. I am also a human being that has views that can be both the same and different from another autistic person's views.

Lemme Tell You Something About Facial Recognition & Autism

I’m autistic and I don’t always recognize people. Yeah, it’s a thing. I failed to recognize an old coworker today and it was embarrassing. I don’t know about other autistic people, but I HATE not recognizing people when people expect me to know who they are.

Today, I was taking the order of what I thought was just a normal customer. He was actually a former coworker of mine. We worked together for a couple of months. Because he wasn’t in uniform (obviously, cuz he quit the job), I did not think it was him. He started laughing a little bit when I talked to him like a cashier talking to any other customer. That’s when I thought, ‘Crap, am I supposed to know him?’

While packing his order, I hear my manager say, “Hey, Greg.” Damn it, it was Greg. I felt this wave of embarrassment come over me. It’s embarrassing because it makes me feel abnormal.

People have laughed at me in the past when I fail to recognize people, especially people that they think I should know because they go to my church or friends with my parents or something like that. I hate it.

Lemme give you another example of how bad my ability to recognize faces is:

My dad has a long time friend and coworker. He’s been part of my Dad’s life since I was a baby. He’s been to our house multiple times. This friend of his even had his wedding at our house! One day, he comes into the KFC I work at while I’m the cashier. He gives me his order, and the whole time I talk to him like any other customer. I did not recognize him one bit. After I gave him the receipt, he tells me he knows my Dad. I recognized his name, but not his face. A few days later, I bring the whole thing up to my Mom and she tells me that this friend told her and my Dad about it, too. He was bewildered at how I didn’t recognize him. I felt totally abnormal.

It’s the same with celebrities. I mistook the famous singers Rihanna and Beyoncé as the same person for a long time. I will literally watch movies with people and they will say the name of a famous actor that’s in the movie, and I will have no clue that it was the same person from another movie I’ve watched them in. For example, I watched Inception and someone went, “Hey, that’s Leonardo DiCaprio.” I be all like “Who?” Them: “You know, Jack from Titanic.” *facepalm*

Anyway, I needed to vent that frustration. My Autistic peeps, feel free to comment on your experience with facial recognition issues. PLEASE. I need to hear from others that this isn’t just me!

Is It Possible To Be An Extrovert & Autistic?

Most of us Autistic people are introverts. I think for many of us, it feels like you can’t be autistic and an extrovert because it’s so rare to see one. On Twitter, everyone seems to talk about how they shutdown, can’t handle social interaction, don’t have enough spoons to have a conversation, etc. Of course, these things doesn’t make one a bad person. After all, autism makes it harder for us to communicate with neurotypical people because the social areas of our brains are impaired in some way. No one should ever be blamed for how they are born. Not everyone has the resources to learn how to cope or even get a diagnosis. I wanna get that out there before I write what I think is the answer to this question: Is it possible to be an extrovert and autistic at the same time?

First, what exactly is an introvert? According to one of my favorite dictionaries, Merriam-Webster: “one whose personality is characterized by introversion, especially a reserved or shy person who enjoys spending time alone.” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/introvert

Merriam-Webster defines introversion as: “the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one’s own mental life.” https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/introversion

That definition seems accurate for most introverts, if not every single one of them. My definition of an introvert would be this: “A person who usually prefers to be alone.” I think Merriam-Webster defined introversion in a way that makes the person sound selfish. I think it’s important to note that that’s not necessarily the case. An introvert can still be selfless and have a deep mental life. Sure, it’s possible to be an introvert and selfish. Many people who don’t understand introversion may make that assumption. However, introverts can still think of others even when they’re alone.

Now that we defined what an introvert is, why are so many of us autistic people introverts? I think, in a way, society encourages us to be (and criticizes us for being) introverts. What I mean by them encouraging us is that they often exclude us. NTs can be very harsh to us autistic people. They are often offended by our honest responses when they ask for our opinions. They make fun of the way we talk, comparing our talk to Wikipedia. They may bully us for the way we walk and dress. How can one be blamed for wanting to be alone when this kind of bullying happens?

Even though being an introvert is natural by default for many of us, it can turn unhealthy when people make fun of us when we attempt to be social. Instead of just being introverts because it’s our personality, it’s a part of us because we’re SCARED to be social. If we’re gonna mess up socializing and be made fun of it, why bother? It’s only human to think that way.

I also think many of us are introverts because we love our interests. They engross us. Video games, science, writing, etc. are so fascinating to us depending on which one intrigues us the most. It’s only natural that one would want to be alone when they want to enjoy their interests. This is not bad at all. Alone time can even be very proper during these activities. For example, writing, unless you’re collaborating with a partner, often requires quietness to concentrate on the craft. Alone time also has its own time and place in general, too.

There’s another term that defines a person’s social preference other than introversion and extroversion. I’m not sure how often this word is used, but I think it’s worth mentioning. The word is ambivert. If you google the definition, the dictionary will tell you that an ambivert means “a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features.” This means that an ambivert is someone who doesn’t mind the alone time nor socializing.

I think there are autistic people out there that may be ambiverts. However, I do believe that for many, their ambiversion is suppressed by social exclusion and bullying. Ambiversion means that there is more of a preference to be social than a person who is an introvert. An autistic ambivert may desire (more than autistic introverts) to be social. However, because there’s still that social impairment, so they are excluded from social groups. I wonder if it’s even more painful for an ambivert to be excluded because they so badly want to socialize.

An autistic ambivert still wants to have their alone time. Sometimes more than social time depending on where they are on the introversion and extroversion spectrum. They enjoy alone time as much as an autistic introvert does when they want their alone time.

I think many autistic ambiverts think they are introverts because they are, in a way, somewhat forced by society to keep to themselves. They are bullied for their “weird” ways of thinking. Like introverts, they are scared to be themselves. I wonder how many ambiverts talk about their introversion when really their extroversion is just being suppressed. This makes me sad.

The last word we need to define here is the word extrovert. What is an extrovert? I’m sure you already know. It’s a person who prefers to socialize way more than they want to be alone. We can probably think of a ton of NT extroverts. Many times, we think of them as charismatic, outgoing, and energetic. However, I think it’s possible to be extrovert and be socially awkward, unconfident, and low on energy. Why do I think this?

I think an autistic person may want to speak in a group, but their social impairment makes them socially awkward because they’ll miss social cues they weren’t born to catch. They may be unconfident because they’re so used to failing at socializing that they are worried of making another social mistake. They are low on energy because they run out of spoons from sensory overwhelm.

Like autistic introverts and ambiverts, autistic extroverts are told to keep to themselves by society for their social weaknesses. They may want to so badly interact with people, but they can’t bring themselves to because they don’t know how. Like with autistic ambiverts, I wonder how many autistic extroverts think they are introverts or ambiverts because they are pressured to not socialize so they don’t “make a fool of themselves.”

What do I think I am? Introvert, ambivert, or extrovert? To be honest, I believe I am an ambivert. I love socializing with people I’m comfortable talking to, but I also love my alone time. I enjoy playing video games by myself and with other people, depending on my mood. I think I believe that there are autistic ambiverts and extroverts out there because of my own desire to socialize.

For years, I thought I was (and told by others) an introvert. The reason why I think I am an ambivert because, since 17, I’ve been learning how to communicate with NTs. I’ve been learning how they think, and what it means to give and take in a conversation. What it means to not be blunt. What it means to show empathy (not showing empathy does not equal having no empathy). Because I have learned social skills over the course of 3 years, I am free to socialize. This freedom has made me realize that there are NTs out there that will like you for who you are. It’s all a matter of learning how to communicate with them so they can see your honest and selfless intentions.

Even though I socialize more and have successful friendships, that doesn’t mean I am not myself. I don’t consider it masking to talk in a way that “gets” NTs to like me. Besides, it’s not even about getting them to like me. It’s about interacting with an NT in a way that makes the interaction meaningful to both of us. Masking is when an autistic person hides themselves and attempts to please the NT just so they can feel liked. I believe, for the most part, I am myself when I socialize with others. I don’t lie. There are people who don’t like me because I don’t lie to make them feel better. There are going to be people who won’t like you, and that goes for everybody. I’m not gonna let that stop me from being myself. I’m confident that they’re are people that like me for who I am. I am confident that EVERY autistic individual can be liked for who they actually are. I think the key thing is to communicate in a way that assures an NT of your good intentions. Tact can go a long way, but some of us aren’t naturally good at it. That means we have to learn, whether it’s through the advise of wise NTs (or even social autistic people) or through books on socializing or internet resources. There are TONS out there. One book I recommend for socializing is this: https://www.amazon.com/Asperkids-Secret-Book-Social-Rules/dp/1849059152/ref=sr_1_1?crid=3TTNTM0G7HEDD&keywords=the+asperkid%27s+secret+book+of+social+rules&qid=1555767557&s=gateway&sprefix=secret+social+rules+book%2Caps%2C752&sr=8-1

The author (Jennifer Cook O’Toole) was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, a form of autism that is now considered an outdated medical term. I was diagnosed with it too at 2 years old. She knows a lot about interacting with NTs and has taught me so much. I think it’s great that there’s an autistic person out there that is socially wise and can relate to autistic people on a special level because she is one.

What do you think you are? An introvert, ambivert, or extrovert? Feel free to say it in the comments ^^

3 Ways My Writing Has Helped Me

I think every Autistic person has their own intense interest. Some of the popular examples are trains, dinosaurs, video games, etc. For me, it’s writing. It’s my passion. I love to write. I don’t always talk about it on Twitter, but I do it all the time. I’m not talking about blogging or tweets, I’m talkin’ original stories with original characters, settings, and ideas. I have Idea Journals (that’s what I call them). I write my ideas inside them (incase you couldn’t tell by the name). I’m almost to my third one. I don’t really share my ideas on Twitter or in my vlogs because I don’t want them to get stolen. I would love to make a webcomic though, perhaps on Webtoons or some other platform. I just need an idea for a comic I’m willing to make. Anyways, I digress.

In this post, I want to share the ways writing has helped me. I wanted to write this post to show NTs that don’t understand the intensity of autistic people’s interests that they aren’t entirely negative. I do want to note that when passion becomes obsession, it can have its cons, but that’s not what this post is about. It’s about the pros of having an intense interest.

#1 – Writing is therapeutic. It makes me feel good. According to the website Good Therapy, “Therapy, also called psychotherapy or counseling, is the process of meeting with a therapist to resolve problematic behaviors, beliefs, feelings, relationship issues, and/or somatic responses (sensations in the body).” https://www.goodtherapy.org/what-is-therapy.html

Writing, in a way, is my therapist. It leads to resolving problematic things in my life (such as the ones listed in the citation above) by applying liberating truth to my stories. Oftentimes, my stories are inspired by my questions about life or conflicts I am experiencing. They help me process them. I’m reading a book called Story written by Robert McKee, an acclaimed storytelling teacher. In this book, the author talks about exploring all sides of the story’s main idea. A main idea, or what McKee calls the controlling idea, is the story’s meaning, and is the inspiration for the main conflicts of the story. An example of a controlling idea that he uses is the controlling idea of the movie Groundhog Day, which he describes on page 117 as “Happiness fills our lives when we learn to love unconditionally.” On page 120, he also mentions having the story argue for the counter-idea. It must argue with the story’s controlling idea with balanced thought put into it.

By identifying my stories’ controlling ideas, I am able to think about and process my questions through exploring both arguments of an issue that inspires my story’s conflict. One of the conflicts that have causing me distress in the world is identity politics. In fact, my previous blog post was about this topic. I’ve been having so much anxiety about the state of our society because of the conflict between the idea of identity politics and the ideas of those who don’t agree with it. I feel much sorrow for those who feel oppressed, but I also feel sorrow for white people that feel like the bad guys, for something other people (that share their skin color) have done. What my heart wants is everyone to forgive each other, judge character instead of racially profile, and be at peace with one another. This is very idealistic. It may not happen the way I want it to (at least in society as a whole).

One way I process my distress is through a subplot in one of my TV show ideas. In this story, the protagonist and her sister (who isn’t a main character) have lived their entire lives traveling the world. They have never been to US, where their parents were born. After the protagonist’s mother dies, her father falls into a deep depression. He retires early as a travel writer and missionary to go back to the United States to live with his family. When they move, this is the sisters’ first time in the US. They are enrolled in a public middle school. Now, hear this: the girls’ mother is hispanic, and their father is caucasian. Because of this, the girls are mixed. Selena, the protagonist, looks much more hispanic than she does caucasian. In fact, she hardly looks of any European descent at all. This is what she looks like:

The TV show idea of mine would be animated. This is what the show’s art style will look like.

Esmeralda, the protagonist’s sister, is very light skinned like her father. She hardly has the darker complexion of most hispanics. This is what she looks like:

This drawing was made in 2015 with less sophisticated drawing software, which is why the art looks different. Her design has been changed, but I don’t have a drawing of her in her changed appearance yet.
These are Selena and Esmeralda’s parents.

There are episodes that focus on the girls’ bewilderment of racism they and others face. They, like me, are trying to process why people get so heated over race. They’ve traveled all over the world for all their lives. They’ve been to Africa and Asia, where they look totally different from the kids they would play with. They grew up where looking different was okay. Their experience of learning racism in the US is partly inspired by someone I know in real life. She grew up in Indonesia all her childhood. Her parents were missionaries, like Selena and Esmeralda’s parents. When this white woman I know turned 19, she moved to the United States. When she got there, racism was a totally new concept to her. She was baffled by how anyone would judge someone by the color of their skin. For most of her life, she knew more Asians than people of her own skin color. I always wonder what it is like for her to hear people of color accusing her of being inherently racist because she is white. When I play out the episodes that focus on Selena and Esmeralda’s culture shock (regarding racism), I sometimes try to put myself in this friend’s shoes. I use what she has told me to gain inspiration for what Selena and her sister experience at their new home.

When I create scenarios where the sisters experience culture shock, I have to think about what their thoughts are. How does a white person who grew up in countries that don’t have a white majority feel when they experience the atmosphere of racism present in the United States? My stance is that being white doesn’t make you inherently racist. However, I do my research on the counter-argument. I have been made aware of some of the things that many white people do to make life tougher for people of color. I hate that there are white police officers that would pull over an innocent black man when there is no obvious criminal activity. I hate that black people feel like they have to change the way they talk and dress to make white people more comfortable. I hate that white people are even made uncomfortable by their talk and dress in the first place! I have to acknowledge that people like that exist in my stories. I do this by having racist characters in my stories, especially more than one.

This is just one example of how I process the conflicts that are on my heart.

#2 – It’s an escape. Writing is a way to temporarily escape life’s difficulties. Everyone needs a comfort interest. I know I talked at length at how it helps me process life’s difficulties in #1, but I also write to live in a world where there is peace. Every story needs scenes where the characters can rest from their problems. The main characters need to be around people who support them so they can develop. They need their playtime. I like imagining scenes where some of the characters get along, laugh at something funny, hang out, do something interesting that can also progress the plot. An example of this is in Avatar: the Last Airbender. There are many character bonding moments that take place when the characters are not fighting or running for their lives. There are many little moments where the characters laugh, hang out, and play games. It’s refreshing.

Creating my own character bonding moments in my stories is a way for me to take a break from the story’s conflict. There are so many movies and TV shows that are pessimistic and none of the characters get along. One show that comes to mind that’s like this is Invader Zim. No one in that show really seem to like each other. There are definitely things I like about it such as its humor, zaniness, and badass art style, but the way the characters interact with each other made me feel depressed after a certain number of episodes. I know not everyone feels this way. That’s just my personal taste.

Especially as an autistic person that has been socially excluded most of her life, it feels good to create realistic, fun bonding moments. At 18, I started developing my first meaningful friendships. They are a constant inspiration for my characters’ friendships. They reassure me that my characters’ friendships are realistic and not romanticized (okay.. I might be guilty of romanticizing from time to time).

#3 – It exercises the imagination. Imagination is way underestimated by some people. It adds spice to life. It’s what makes entertainment, entertaining. It makes education interesting. It makes advertisements work. Every society needs creativity. It stirs emotions in us like nothing else. Art, literature, music, etc. are all things that can connect us. It’s a useful tool, especially in the workplace. Creative solutions, decorations in the office, pitches, etc!

Those are 3 things I wish more people were aware of when it comes to storytelling. Many of these things don’t even have to apply to autistic people like me. Many of these things are truth for neurotypical writers. I hope you enjoyed this article and found it insightful.

What Real Privilege Is

Note: These are my personal beliefs, and I believe that they are 100% true. What I’m about to say might make you uncomfortable if you do not agree. These beliefs are not expressed very often in politics. Many of my explanations for what I think is based on my interpretation of the Bible. If you do not agree with me, let’s please agree to disagree.

Privilege isn’t evil, it is a gift from God. People who have it are able to abuse it, but its purpose is to use it to bless others, many times by helping them gain their own privileges. The Bible calls us to help others who have no voice to be treated fairly (Psalm 82:3).

I have certain privileges because I am white. For example, I don’t have to worry as much to be pulled over for no reason but blind suspicion. However, as a woman, a young adult (20 years old), and as a person who is autistic, I have certain disadvantages as well. My voice may be dismissed by more powerful people (especially men) that look down on me for these things.

People who feel underprivileged for their skin color need to realize that whiteness isn’t evil. Human nature is what’s evil. However, good people do exist on this Earth because of the blood of Jesus. God grants some of them power, like King David. He grants some of them less power, like the Apostle Paul.

Privilege is neutral. It can be a blessing depending on how it’s used. I believe there are people, who are not white, can be granted (and are worthy of) more influence and privileges.

I may not have that many privileges and much power now, but I see that as a humbling reminder that I need God, not the country I live in, to make me truly prosper. That goes for people who are also underprivileged, especially if they are more underprivileged than I am. If I have more power later, that means God is giving me more opportunity (and responsibility) to bless others.

Either way, we must be responsible for any privileges or power or influence we have now.

My First Blog Post

“Hello, this is Alex, and this is Alex’s Asperger Vlogs”… ahhh, the intro of my YouTube channel brings back memories. However, I think making a blog will be better way for me to still reach out to other people that have Autism like me. I love writing, and I think I’m way more expressive with my writing than I am in my videos.

I’ve been using Twitter a lot within the past year, and I just love making tweets. It’s so fun! However, I’m limited to only 140 characters. I’ve wanted to go more in depth into many of the tweets I’ve posted. My tweets are almost always close to the character limit. This platform, I think, will be a great way to reach out to others in a way that my energy can handle. Making YouTube videos was easy when I first started. I had no job and no school. However, now that I work 2 jobs, I’ve been finding it harder to post videos (if you combine my hours, they equal full-time). I’m tired a lot, and I’ve found that making videos is not really relaxing and fun like it used to be. However, writing is more therapeutic. I feel like I can write all day long, even after a long shift. I write screenplays, social media posts, write ideas in my Ideas Journal, message friends, the list goes on. I have so much fun doing these things.

I hope you guys will enjoy my blogs as much as you do my vlogs. Maybe even more 🙂